So it's been a while, I know you've all missed me. I have not missed you. Rather, the break from the constant whining and demands for attention was very much appreciated. But I like to think of all of you as my children,and that means once a month at least, I'll try to talk to you.

I woke up at the wholly unappreciable 9:30 because the latest in my string of admirers called me knowing I'd be asleep. You can tell he's special because he enjoys causing me strife. Clearly we are going to get married. My mother was supposed to be here by now, along with her "friend" Dawn. Instead of planning my defense, I'm thinking about werepandas. Specifically werepandas with a strong foundation in the martial arts. Bare hands or one of those Chinese halberds? This is the one time I'll ask your opinion.